Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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