I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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