I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
