Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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