Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
