I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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