One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
