Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
