no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
