what if every blade of grass was a penis?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
