just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
