he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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