It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
