I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
