Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
