mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
