Four minutes until I can fart!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
