babies were throwing up all over the place
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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