Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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