I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
