Buhtt sex?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He did a backflip because drugs
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
