I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i think i have two assholes
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
