Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
