I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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