Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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