Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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