yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
