dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
