I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
