I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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