WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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