I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
