Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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