just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
