Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
