When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
