I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
