You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
