what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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