my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
