all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
