also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
