I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
