dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
