she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The air taste purple.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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