Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
