okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
