How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
this beer tastes like vomit already
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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