I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
