So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
