I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
