Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
